Deal with rejection, "Don't take it personally" Is Terrible a Work Advice

There's ethics then. "Not taking it personally" lies at the centre of numerous corporate ethics scandals, from embezzling and accounting fraud to workplace safety and environmental protection concerns. It is when the mindless notion of "it's not personal, it's business" is embraced by managers and teams that they absolve themselves of their duties as social actors, custodians of the world, and guardians of the well-being of their worker, clients, and societies.

Deal with rejection, "Don't take it personally" Is Terrible a Work Advice

Recently, I worked with a leader who had just lost a highly respected worker to a rival. He had spent a great deal of time in mentoring and educating the individual and had high hopes for his future and aspirations. The worker was someone inside the organization specifically described as "top talent," and what's more, the resignation came as a total surprise. The team leader felt let down and felt frustrated.

The conclusion I have come to, I suppose," he said, "is that I just don't have to take it personally.

In work contexts, it's a feeling we've all heard often Don't take it personally" or "Hey, it's not personal, it's business." I've heard it said about criticism, disagreement, tough talks, restructuring, losing deals, teamwork, coping with career ups and downs, all sorts of everyday problems in the workplace.

And yet it is a ridiculous concept.

Job is the place where I'm going to spend most of my waking hours, the bulk of my life indeed, and yet I'm not supposed to personally take it? Can I support the notion that anything is somehow not personal for the bulk of my life, from twenty-something to sixty?

Although I completely understand that we are better able to defend ourselves in work environments by not taking it personally," which can sometimes be intimidating, threatening, and persistent, there are advantages to keeping our work, leadership, and follow-up personal.

The first refers to performance and well-being at work. Take a moment and think about the people you've met who you think are motivated, energetic, and successful. And the flip side is that the individuals who have depersonalised their job are probably not the individuals with whom you enjoyed working. Thus, your own experience reveals that success appears to be synonymous with taking your job personally.

But it's not just about complex words and private psychology; it's about actual business outcomes as well. Consider the relation between employees involved and business success. If not "taking it personally" what is engagement? And it becomes obvious that not taking it personally" can have real costs when we consider the low levels of recorded workplace participation.

There's ethics then. "Not taking it personally" lies at the centre of numerous corporate ethics scandals, from embezzling and accounting fraud to workplace safety and environmental protection concerns. It is when the mindless notion of "it's not personal, it's business" is embraced by managers and teams that they absolve themselves of their duties as social actors, custodians of the world, and guardians of the well-being of their worker, clients, and societies.

For these reasons and more it seems obvious to me that we have to take things deeply personally if we are to fulfil our roles and obligations as executives and our potential as a leader. Put simply, it is more likely that a dehumanised and depersonalised workforce would handle its various stakeholders poorly.

There's a huge, big difference now of course, between taking things personally and not being able to control the borders. There's a difference between having a passion for your work and adding too much self-worth to it that you can't mentally defend yourself, that every error and mistake is taken so personally that it penetrates your self-esteem at the heart. If work becomes a part of your personality that is too powerful, that can also be harmful.

But there is definitely an acceptable happy medium to be explored, a position somewhere between workaholism and spirit anaesthetizing.

At the beginning of this post, going back to our boss, I wish I had said a few things to him: Don't beat yourself up about it. Do not excessively introject this as a loss which as an entity is a reflection of your importance and worth. This does not determine your life and your work. But don't be upset. You'll be annoyed. Try to understand what has occurred. Do seek to know if your management and leadership can be improved. Try to learn from this encounter in order to learn from the experience.

But please don't drop the "it's not personal" soul-crushing curtain.

Yes, if you personally take up work, you're going to get injured along the way. You're going to be disappointed, getting yourself down, and even asking if it's worth it. But what really is the alternative, just like the other great mystery of life, being in love? Not to love at all so that he can never be heartbroken? Certainly not. Not to personally take it in order to never be disappointed? Certainly not.

This is your life, for your own sake, and for the people who work with you. Take it personally, all of it

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